Der Kommisar's in Town

She said "Baby you know I miss you and Joe and all my funky friends.."

Anyway >.>

Today I remembered that people can be genuinely nice to one another. Then I remembered that some people like to think such barbaric things like, "If you don't believe what I believe, you will suffer from eternal damnation." These people have a very depressing outlook. Honestly, I believe that there is no such thing as eternal damnation, unless we somehow find a way to live forever. That would be eternal damnation for sure. A mind, always active, always going... I imagine it would be like staying awake for a week straight, which I can imagine as I have indeed stayed awake for a week (it sucked), except replacing a week with eternity. Dreaming, sleeping, unconscious, you would still be alive. Even meditating, you would constantly be reminded of your static existence. How sad. I don't like to imagine a life after death, for the very reason that I think it would get boring. Perhaps dying of natural causes is just dying of boredom. "Man I'm bored, and I'm, like, 90-something years along now. I think I'll shut down. Wee!"

Probably could have done without the wee, but hey, most people do wee (or poo) when they die.

Fact of life no. 753: you will release your bowels at death.

Does anyone ever stop to think about where our world is going these days? I'm sorry, but for some reason, in my mind at least, there's a line between clever and stupid; that is to say, some things may seem stupid, but are actually clever on a higher level, while some things that people consider clever are, well, actually just stupid. People don't seem to recognize this line anymore. Case in point, the new sandwich at KFC that features chicken instead of bread. When I first heard about this, I was in pure disbelief. It was as though someone took dough-nuts and made a smoothie. A sandwich, where the only bread is breading, where there is meat with meat, where the fat literally jumps off the sandwich, out of the grease, and burrows through the pores in your fingers all the way to your brain. Yes, your skull is filling up with fat as you consume that sandwich.

Here's another crazy direction the world is taking: the giant iPod Touch. Oh, I'm sorry, the "revolutionary window to the internet" aka the iPad. When I first saw this online, it was around 2:36 a.m., and my friends and I were looking at stupid things online. Then a giant iPod Touch showed up.

"Are they retarded or something? That's a giant iPod Touch. That's the lamest thing since the H3T (the hummer 3 truck)," I said. "Surely Steve Jobs isn't retarded enough to try to sell that to people."

Well, turns out Steve Jobs is brilliant. Everyone who bought an iPad should grab a chicken sandwich from the KFC drive-through in their H3T, and they might as well go check out the latest One-Word-Wonder Movie of the decade.

Maybe I'm just being a pessimist, but I am seriously thinking that America as a culture is dying, dead, or a zombie cheerleader biting the dick off of a zombie quarter-back. Probably the last one.

I for one cannot stand by and watch these so-called "great ideas" flourish. A great idea is something substantial that changes the world for the better. It should not make one person richer, it should not make someone fat, and it should not be a conjunction of things that already exist. We have enough multitasking in our lives already without the need for extra chicken on our chicken sandwich.